just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize