its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
