This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize