curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We're too hungover to prance.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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