there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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