Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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