the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
