somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
