im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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