Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
