my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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