dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
