Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize