I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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