Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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