ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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