So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
