Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize