It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
