im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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