It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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