I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
