u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
