do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
