6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
