it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
