Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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