You just made me feel so damn special
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
