Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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