My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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