He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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