My brain says no but my pants say off.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize