Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
