Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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