ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
