There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
