I wannas sexs uuuuu
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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