it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
