I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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