I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
