Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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