there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
