no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize