so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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