This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize