Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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