She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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