Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i believe in u and ur pee
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
