just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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