I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
