had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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