i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
