theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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