he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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