I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
