I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
