The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
