things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize