Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he thought i was a dude.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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