So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
