He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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