Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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