mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Green mimosas i think yes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
