Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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