she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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