I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
