Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm like, not good at living.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
