I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
