You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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