what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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