this boner is exhausting
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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