she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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