Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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