I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
