mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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