Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
