My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
