Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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