Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
