Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
